I'm Terrified to Show Myself: Choosing Vulnerability Over Fear

I am terrified of being me. Of showing myself. Of standing out. But let me share what I've discovered.

[pause. take a deeeeep breath]

A month ago, I went to my weekly women's Circle and brought up a recurring pattern in my life. It starts when I feel in flow—doing what I love, making enough money (sometimes more)—but then, without fail, the momentum fades. I find myself slipping into Plan B: working as a nanny. While I’m grateful for the work, it’s not what I want for myself anymore, and the shame of doing it at 40+ weighs heavily on me. I know I can do more for the world, but I feel stuck, not sure of how to break the cycle.

During that Circle, someone introduced me to the Drama Triangle. As I explored it, I recognized myself as the victim in my business and money story: hopeless, powerless, thinking, “Why does this always happen to me? Why can’t clients just come to me?” But the breakthrough came when I discovered the solution: the Winner’s Triangle. For the victim, the solution is vulnerability. And right there, it hit me.

I’ve always had an unusual relationship with vulnerability. Showing my emotions to my friends or in workshops has never scared me—I’ve always felt safe in those spaces. But I realized vulnerability shows up in many areas of life, and I wasn’t allowing myself to be vulnerable in my business. It’s a fear I hadn’t fully acknowledged, let alone faced.

It was a lightbulb moment: this terror of showing myself, of putting myself out there, might be the wall blocking my success. And strangely, just recognizing this fear became the catalyst I needed to move forward. It reminded me of Susan Jeffers’ book Feel the Fear... and Do It Anyway, the very first self-help book I bought 16 years ago—but never read. Now, I think it’s time.

I also remembered something profound that Nicole J. Sachs, author of The Cure for Chronic Pain, once said: ‘We choose what is less worse’. That phrase hit me hard when I first heard it years ago, but it came back to me during this aha moment with even greater meaning. I’ve been choosing Plan B—working as a nanny—because it felt safer than facing the fear of being vulnerable in my business. Wow! Now I see I have a choice: stick with what’s ‘less worse,’ or summon the courage to face my fear and take a leap.

I’ve had so many ideas in my head for years—at least 30 articles about mindfulness and other topics I want to share—but I’ve been too scared to write and share them. Not just scared—terrified.

Here’s where another piece of the puzzle clicked into place. At a retreat in December, we were asked to reflect on our relationship with writing. I shared my story: being told I wasn’t a good writer in school, facing harsh feedback from a boss early in my career (although she was kind and coached me to write better), and feeling like my writing didn’t fit society’s norms. Over time, I internalized the belief that I couldn’t write well. And yet, I don’t hate writing—I even enjoy it at times. The way I now explain how I write is that I write how I speak. I don’t know how people learn to write differently; I just don’t get it. The issue isn’t my ability to write—it’s my fear of not meeting society’s standards. That led me to feel censored, afraid to be myself, convinced I wasn’t good enough—at least to society’s standards.

But what if my writing—my real, conversational, authentic voice—is exactly what I need to share? What if this fear of not meeting societal standards is just another wall waiting to be broken?

All that to say: I’ve realized that to be vulnerable in my business, I need to write. Not to fit some arbitrary standard, but in my own way, with my own voice. Even if it’s imperfect. Even if it’s scary. This is my next step, and it’s the one I’m choosing with intention and courage.

So here I am, taking that leap. I’m showing up, writing, and sharing what I’ve learned about mindfulness, life, and fear. It’s imperfect, but it’s real—and it's mine. I’m choosing courage over hiding, and I’m doing it on my own terms, with kindness toward myself.

Reflections for You:

· What fear is holding you back from showing up fully in your life?

· What small, courageous step can you take today to move closer to what truly matters to you?

Let’s choose courage together. Feel the fear—and take one small step toward it anyway.

With kindness,

Laure ❤️

PS: I would like to dedicate this article to the people who have been in my life in the past few months and years, including the women met along the way, in my Circle, at the retreat, and my counselling class ❤️. Thank you for your unwavering support, faith, and for reflecting back the kindness, compassion, and authenticity you see in me.